Knowing then what I know now

Do you ever wonder if you knew way back when, what you know now, what you would do differently? The different decisions, different choices you would make.

I’m not one to dwell on the past, it’s all about the here and now. But I do catch myself sometimes wondering about knowing what I know now, what would I have done differently.

  • Started trying for a baby a lot earlier than we did.
  • Tell myself, reassure myself that Samuel will come home from NICU.
  • Asked Julia’s House for support a lot earlier than we did.
  • Started blogging and tweeting earlier.
  • Asked the doctors to consider putting Samuel on the Ketogenic Diet a lot sooner.
  • Knowing that I wasn’t able to go back to work, been better with my money and savings before going on maternity leave (more specifically paid off my credit card!).
  • Remind myself that Genetics doctors aren’t psychic and only know so much.
  • Accept that people don’t always know what to say or how to react to disabilities and not to dwell on it too much.
  • Tell myself that I can do it. I may not be a nurse but I do have it in me to nurse and care for Samuel and keep him out of hospital.

But if we did know about ARX, would that have meant that we would have avoided conceiving naturally? But would that mean there wouldn’t be any Samuel? On second thoughts, knowing what I know now I think I’d just tell myself that despite the rocky moments, the rollercoasters and curve balls, all of it is worth it. Samuel is so worth it. But I don’t think I’d need to ever tell myself that.

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